This is your life in Colorado

(With apologies to Sunil Rajaraman and his original post: https://medium.com/@subes01/this-is-your-life-in-silicon-valley-933091235095#.ipo4w1vp1 )

You wake up at 5:30am. It’s Friday. Last night at The Lodo was pretty intense — you had to check out Second Home and see if there is any truth to the long running cherry creek rumors about techies hanging out there. You were disappointed, but at least you did get to see a few DevOps from local startups at the bar. Did they notice you? Did you make eye contact? You remind yourself they are not real celebrities — only well known for their boring talk at a recent Ignite show about stand up ceremonies. One of them might have presented once at VMworld conference.

Your neighbor shows up at 6:30am on the nose. She is taking your kid to play with her kids at the near by park. Kids will earn 10 minutes of TV (PBS) watching time for every hour they are playing outside. You tell yourself that it’s ok for now — when he’s old enough he’ll (someday) give up TV habit and pickup skiing or biking.

You commit to being a better parent this weekend and spending more quality time with him as you browse through the USA Today. You recently realized he may not be the next Kevin Jorgeson after all — still you send him to a rock climbing for kids class even though he’s only 5. You swear he’s a natural because he can tie a rope knot already and has shown ability to climb railings on the stair effortlessly. He’s special. He is destined for greatness and you’ll make sure he achieves every ounce of it. After all, both of you are so fit and accomplished and have done 30 of the 14ers in the state already.

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A 14er is a mountain thats atleast 14,000 ft or higher. Smaller ones are called parks in Colorado.

You ask your neighbor if she has any availability to watch your son this weekend. Bummer — you wish you hadn’t committed to doing Grays and Torreys for the 15th time this year. You figured you’d beat your own time already, but you are still struggling at 5 hr to complete both peaks. Not a great year so far.

Your neighbor yells at from his car if you want any coffee from near by 7-11. The neighborhood kids are already out on their scooters while you continue to read USA Today. You see a few articles about Trump and how crazy he is — it reminds you of the corrupt media discussion you had with your neighbors.

You decide to clip an article about Tele skiing from “The Competitor”, which will somehow shed light to all your friends as to why its the best way to ski. The article is 1,000 words long — you only read half of it, but that’s good enough. It captures all the arguments you’ve been wanting to make for the past two months to your friends. Will this be the clip that finally spurns your friends into action? You realize your friends all agree with your skiing views and hiking views already.

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Tele skiing, if you are a beginner, do not attempt this during your first class — wait atleast you have taken 2 skiing instruction classes.

Your spouse hurriedly gets ready to goto volunteer work — you used to be a two income family but find that both of you working leaves very little time to live healthily.The bank statement shows that in next 6 months, you can buy another apartment to rent in Superior. So what if the renters there aren’t exactly outdoors people? At least, its additional income to afford brand new skis next year.

Your commute to work takes only 10 minutes, but its enough time to wave to several of your neighbors on the trail.

You decide to park your bike in the office front lobby. You justify it to yourself by saying that you are only cutting the normal half mile walking from parking structure in the mall and you did good on CrossFit last night. And besides — today you are meeting some friends after work for dinner and you’ll be riding to the other end of town. You can’t decide whether you’ll ride your mountain bike or road bike to the dinner from your office — decisions, decisions.

You are the Director of DevOps at your startup. You aren’t even sure what that means, but the startup seems to be doing well. Your company recently raised a round and was featured in Techcrunch. You have 5,000 stock options. You aren’t exactly sure what that means, but that must be good. If a silicon valley company acquires your company, may be that will mean money towards fixing up your 1992 Subaru.

Your day starts in Jira. You have to close a bunch of issues. You briefly contemplate a devops idea you have that will totally kill sprint planning and daily stand ups at the same time. But you need to find right management cliche to convince your boss. Eventually you’ll get to it .

Your 67-year-old CEO calls an ad-hoc all-hands meeting and regales about company culture and how he spent last 3 days mountain fishing. He wants to catch the biggest fish ever and get featured on Denver Post Sports section. He never fished for more than hour, or caught a fish bigger than 8".

It’s time for that afternoon coffee to keep you going through the day. You head over to Starbucks coffee with some co-workers. You order a spinach feta wrap and very clearly ask the barista for 3 Splendas in your skinny latte. He was clearly a Splenda short, but the line is long and you want to be civil. You are above mentioning something like this to the barista — you let it pass and feel a “micro aggression” bubbling inside. Moreover, the barista has a better bike and often over takes you on the weekend trails.

You have to decide where to go for dinner tonight. You look at Westword for a place that’s atleast 10 miles away and has good outdoors vibe . What will your friends think of you if you pick a place that’s too snobby like a sit down restaurant? You settle on a dinner talk at Colorado Mountain Club. You have good taste. This comforts you.

#Boulder is trending on Twitter. You realize the Boulder community is angry about something — they are full of rage at the way a biker was flipped off by a car driver. The peeps all share photos and videos of the bike on the sidewalk, but no one remembers if what caused it was a car, a van or a pickup truck.

It’s time for some afternoon Facebook browsing. Your friends are all doing SO well. You are secretly jealous of your friend who just bought a condo on Blake St. You speculate as to how rich they must be after their company was bought by some PE firm. You briefly try to do the math in your head. Maybe that can be you at your current startup. It’s only a matter of time.

More browsing. One friend was employee #5 at a company that just raised $2 million in angel funding. They must have gotten bonus to afford new bike rims, you think. You like the status and this new thingy called DevOps, but you are jealous. Another friend’s kid seems to be more advanced than your kid based on the Instagram photos from rock climbing flatirons. Damnit, need to be a better parent.

You briefly daydream about how you once had an opportunity to work at Coors before they bought Molson. And that you could have joined Level 3 right after IPO — and imagine that . Would that have been the big break you needed? All of them are able to leave work at 3 pm and go do awesome hiking.

Your CEO grabs you in a panic and asks you to do a quick analysis for a board member. The board member was hiking Mt Rainer in Seattle and was boasting about something related to how its better than any 14er in town. The CEO’s hiking reputation and Colorado’s status of hiking Mecca is at risk.

Your mind briefly drifts off and you think — “is this living really worth career sacrifice? should I move to Bay Area, Seattle or even Austin?” There are so many companies out there you could build an amazing career and may be become CEO of a startup in no time.

You browse Redfin again. Hmmm. Maybe not San Francisco, you really don’t want to sell your kid to afford the down payment — what about something less nice like Oakland, Fremont, Morgan Hill or Milpitas? That flashes memories of hours you spent on 880 and 101 and your body stiffens. That would raise your blood pressure in no time. Great career growth though.

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An average bike trail in Colorado

You forgot to stop by Santiago’s to pickup burritos for your neighborhood bridge game tonight. Thank goodness for friends, you text a friend and he is happy to goto Santiagos and pick them up.

Almost time for dinner. You are having dinner tonight at the “Colorado Mountain Club” and listen to a talk by the author of the book “Three Cups of Tea”. You arrive at the club, and they marvel at your taste — nice job finding this event on Westword.

Your dinner conversation centers around if tea is still the drink of choice for relaxation or if Matcha has taken over. You hear about how Siestas in Spain help people improve their health. You are all too busy arguing your own points and citing anecdotes to really listen to each other.

On your ride home you find the time to catch up on the late sunset. What an interesting view it is — the mountains turn orange like the Broncos color and it makes you think about last Super Bowl.

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Colorado sports teams are regularly known for shutting down hype-driven teams and winning championships.

After coming home you briefly clean your bike wheels, grease the chain, and put it up the garage using the high-end hoist you had installed recently. You have taken good care of your bike today.

You quietly shuffle to bed, tired from the long, hard day. You check your USPS mail, coupons, current sales before bedtime. You don’t think you’ll have enough energy to check email today — and besides — who reads email on this phone anyways. It strains your eyes. Maybe you can start a company that will disrupt email? Something with channels and stuff.

Your last thought before bed — should you switch to the Presta tubes? You are taking good care of your tubes, but pumping air is getting bit painful. But then you realize you are so heavily invested in the Schrader ecosystem that it may not make sense.

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Schrader valves have lot of technology innovation

You briefly use your phone to call your mom — you hear her tell you to not work too hard and take care of your body. You realize she is right. You note on your journal to stop by AAA office tomorrow to have them prepare you a map to go visit your mom this coming weekend.

You briefly recall your ride home on the trail tonight. The sun was setting. It was beautiful. You realize you live in paradise. Career can wait.

Parody + Tech commentary.

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