Based on recommendations from our management consultant, Kaan & Associates, c-cloud management has decided to impeach our Social Media department. The four members of the c-cloud social media department are no longer authorized to speak for c-cloud (with few exceptions, they will still represent c-cloud at weekly executive golf games). The twitter account cloud_opinion has been sold to a strategic investor. Financial details of this transaction are not released at this time.
c-cloud Social Media department has been one big failure. But, we gave them a chance to defend themselves at our weekly (recorded) executive sync.
Below are the transcripts (Based on notes and editing from Vladimir Putin). Members of social media dept are referred by their code words A,B,C and D ):
<some stupid pleasantries about weather, NBA games and fashion style of Lavrov >
CEO: CFO tells us that no revenue had ever come in from your social media activities.
B: Our blog views and RT counts are steadily climbing. The revenue will appear magically soon.
CTO: It sounds magical, I don’t buy it. What is the status of the private cloud project? Did you guys install SomeStack yet?
C: No, SomeStack is too complex
CTO: We sent you to 5 SomeStack summits so far to learn. Marty Kaan tells us that you were always seen at the pool side drinking cheap cocktails?
D: Those were good cocktails and we were networking with thought leaders
CFO: You got a budget to buy 500 servers and rented large space for a data center. What did you do with it?
A: We converted the space to a night club.
CEO: You what?
D: our projections showed that a night club yields better revenue than a private cloud. Night club also helps the community.
Marty Kaan: <chuckling> Its actually true. Moving on, you guys said you will increase innovation in Opensource communities.
A: Yeah, we tried to create some friction to drive innovation. As you know friction is the mother of all innovation.
Marty: The saying is “necessity is the mother of all invention”. But, according to our analysis, the members of these communities already hate each other. Our associate who read Github comments on this ship project had a panic attack. Why did *you* need to create fiction?
B: Well, you got a point there. We used that money to sponsor beer at a Hackathon.
CEO: A hackathon? Did anything come out of this “Hackathon”?
A: Yes, we are now able to run a multi player Pac man on AWS Lambda
CTO: I would like to remind everyone here that AWS is not opensource.
CEO, CFO: gasps
CTO: We asked all employees of c-cloud to get DevOps certified. You four are the only remaining employees that are not DevOps certified here. What gives?
A: Well, we don’t think DevOps is really that useful
CEO: watch your words. Love Guru told us that DevOps heals everything.
B: So, Love Guru is now advising you on business too?. DevOps is just a cult that promotes hugging as a serious business strategy.
CFO: (whispering) These guys might have a point here
Marty: Whats wrong with hugging? Lets cut to the chase here. It is the recommendation of Kaan & Associates that you need to impeach the entire social media department effective immediately.
B: ARE YOU CRAZY? SOCIAL MEDIA IS LIFE BLOOD. CONTENT IS KING. EYE BALLS ARE EVERYTHING. GROWTH HACKERS WILL RULE THE WORLD.
C: Who will save the world from the perils of private cloud, hybrid cloud, cloud bursting, reserved instances and more? You going to replace us with some flat DevOps thought leaders made of recycled cardboard?
CFO:Yes — a cardboard flat thought leader is lot less expensive and maintenance free. You guys are still stuck in 2008. Go watch some thought leader talks on YouTube or something.
CEO: I agree. This meeting is over. You four are impeached. Please immediately return all c-cloud branded rompers. Take some Udacity courses on how to tell jokes, your jokes are the worst.
D: No, you are horrible, you didn’t even serve Avocado Toast as you typically do in our meetings. We will revolt on Twitter.
CTO: ha ha, we changed the password — that’s why you weren’t able to get onto Twitter.
<end of recording>
Kaan & Associates have told us to expect resistance from the former members of the social media department. They all have signed agreements to not work for a competitor for a period of one life time under the permissible laws of states of Massachusetts, Washington and Colorado, where they were located.
All questions and concerns should be directed to thought leaders at your nearest conference.
C-cloud Executive Management Team
c-cloud, a leader in everything, was founded to advance the vision of a blockchain driven enterprise enabling digital transformation to benefit the practitioners of DevOps in the fine art of slide deck creation for a just and verdant BiModal IT. c-cloud is headquartered in New York with operations in Boston, Denver and Seattle.