Hey fam, super busy, no time to write. c-cloud mgmt still not letting us use Twitterz. Phones burning up with your queries on whats going with Cloud. we dispatched reporters to answer your questions. They have compiled this video special for you:

Segment AWS:

AWS continues to do well based on our reports — we recorded an interview with a top ranking official there:

(Our reporters are unable to confirm at this time if this video was actually a recording of Maximo’s interview with AWS for an architect role there or not ).

Segment GCP:

Our reporters went to Mountain View to visit with Google Cloud top executives, who were very eager to talk to us:

Segment Azure:

Our reporters were given a live demonstration of how quickly Microsoft is closing Azure deals — They witnessed selling of AzureStacks by the boatloads over the phone:

Segment CNCF:

In what might be considered an “exclusive”, we were invited to a CNCF planning meeting to discuss their next event. CNCF has quickly become “The” place to party these days, thanks to all the rich aunts and uncles bankrolling them.

Segment Docker:

Our team had recently fielded questions about whats happening with Docker. We have obtained a rare footage that indicates that Docker is doing ok and awaiting a rescue:

Segment OpenStack:

No Cloud report is complete without an update from OpenStack. We end this report with special coverage of OpenStack:

Thats all from your c-cloud (ex) social media team. See you again in 2018(?).

Parody + Tech commentary.

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