Apple Announces Foundation to Advance Future Innovation

Foundation Supports Over 2.8 Million Square Feet of Magical Product Development

CUPERTINO, Calif., July 19, 2015 — Apple® today announced it too has a Foundation, the foundation of its new headquarters rising like a phoenix in Cupertino, California from the ashes of former industry titan Hewlett Packard’s now redundant campus. There are no other members of this foundation, because those who can, do, and those who can’t huddle together in Foundations with fellow wanna-bes and lemmings.

“Instead of convening committees, Apple is laying a concrete foundation for future innovation: our future headquarters where Apple will create the next generation of magical experiences,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook. “Too many other companies think successful product development comes from drawing up legal papers for a Foundation or putting some code on GitHub. We measure our success not by pull requests but sales of actual products.”

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“Apple brings its Think Different mantra to how it approaches industry foundations, and hopefully they will become a model for the rest of the industry,” said Elmer G. Gantry, a senior analyst at the Gartner Group covering Infrastructure as Actual Stuff (IaAS). “We are over saturated with Foundations and have entered a trough of Foundation disillusionment from which we may never recover.”

“Foundations are a toxic mix of companies cynically looking for cheap marketing support for their initiatives combined with the intellectually bankrupt desperately looking for something to back up their vacuous airport advertising,” said Startup L. Jackson, a close observer of Silicon Valley. “Any company that forms or joins a Foundation needs to be asked ‘Is this really the best you’ve got?’”

“The foundation we have laid here will have more parking space than all other industry Foundations combined,” said Kahn Krite, a spokesman for the general contractor actually building the foundation. “Our biggest challenge so far has been an older guy in a blue suit who keeps showing up at the work site saying he wants to spend $1 billion just to be associated with the project. And of course Bono.”

“We are working closely with the developers of the site to make sure all construction materials are delivered to the site in containers. Using containers in this fashion provides for both isolation and security.” said Moby Dock, a spokesman for Docker. “We are also excited to point out that the building itself when complete is a container as well.”

“While many Foundations are popping up like weeds, we believe the future belongs to Hybrid Foundations,” said a spokesperson for the Clouderati, a secret cabal on Twitter and suspected front for a shadowy group of legacy vendors. “We call upon all vendors to build a community for collaboration and cooperation to help Hybrid Foundations succeed. If OpenStack (motto: “Surely there is a pony in here somewhere”) can somehow help in that process, so much the better.”

“Foundations are a great idea, however for security and compliance reasons, we believe private Foundations are a better choice for enterprises. Private Foundations also benefit local economies where enterprises are located,” said John Merlot of the Steakhouse & Winery Advocacy Group (SWAG).

About Apple

Apple revolutionized personal technology with the introduction of the Macintosh in 1984. Today, Apple leads the world in innovation with iPhone, iPad, the Mac and Apple Watch. Apple’s three software platforms — iOS, OS X and watchOS — provide seamless experiences across all Apple devices with nary an industry foundation in sight. Apple’s 100,000 employees are dedicated to making the best products on earth, and to leaving the world better than we found it.

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